9 Healthy Ways to Handle Jealousy and Envy

I know I’m not alone when I admit that sometimes I have an issue with feeling jealous or envious of others. Dealing with envy and jealousy is a challenge for most people, so read on to learn healthy ways to deal with these feelings.

The two feelings, jealousy and envy, certainly overlap, but they have two separate definitions. Jealousy is an unpleasant feeling of suspicion or apprehension of competition, whereas envy is when you long to possess someone else’s advantages. People feel jealous for biological and logical reasons that can stem from a fear of losing something important to them or from feeling threatened. Additionally, there are very deeply rooted evolutionary reasons envy serves us. As we evolved, envy pushed us to compare ourselves to others, which motivated us to want better for ourselves and to find the resources necessary to survive. However, this feeling is not well accepted in our society today. 

Though it is perfectly human of us to feel this way, I can speak from experience when I say that feeling envious of others can lead to feelings of resentment, narcissism, greed, and dissatisfaction. And while jealousy propels us to protect what we have, it can also lead to mistrust and resentment. 

When I acknowledge my personal moments of feeling envious of another person, I notice I do not feel well emotionally. I might wish badly on someone else, feel bad about myself, or temporarily lose feelings of compassion or gratitude. When jealousy and envy take over, it’s really easy to focus on the negatives and to view life with a “grass is always greener on the other side” attitude. 

We all have the power to improve our mental state by minimizing feelings of envy and jealousy. Though unpleasant, these feelings do hold some purpose. So instead of trying to eradicate them completely, we should try to deal with them healthily! Below are nine examples of how to deal with jealousy and envy productively and healthily.

How to Deal with Jealousy and Envy

Allow the feeling of envy to remind you to practice gratitude.

When you are envious of another’s situation, you probably desire to find yourself in a similar situation. If you wish for change, you are aware of the negatives of your own situation. You might not feel very grateful for what you have in that moment. So, the next time you are dealing with envy, let it be a reminder to recite gratitude about your current situation.

Allow the feeling of jealousy to remind you to practice trust.

When you become jealous of another person or situation, you’re likely expecting a negative outcome or some unfriendly competition. This might mean you are not particularly trustworthy of the person or event involved. Instead of harboring apprehension and skepticism, find the capacity to trust that everyone has good intentions or that everything is going to be okay.

Celebrate others when they have achieved something worthy of envy.

Congratulate others on their accomplishments even when you feel a bit icy. Celebrate the worthiness and happiness of others even when you feel undervalued or down. If you’re envious of a person or lifestyle, let them inspire you as role models while you cheer them on and follow in their footsteps.

Explore the possibility that your envy or jealousy is rooted from low self-confidence.

Here's how to handle jealousy and envy when your self-confidence is dwindling. If you are brewing over negative feelings that involve longing for someone else’s luxuries or skills, you probably don’t feel that yours are good enough. Or, suppose you’re jealous of another person who appears to be threatening something you already have, like a relationship or career. Deep down, you might be questioning your ability to keep or your worthiness of having your relationship or job. Practice reciting affirmations to boost your confidence when dealing with envy and jealousy rooted in low self-confidence. You are good enough!

Analyze your relationship with the person or thing involved with your feelings of jealousy or envy.

Sometimes jealousy and envy can be helpful signs that someone or something in your life is toxic. For example, perhaps your relationship with social media needs to be evaluated and modified. Maybe the person you find yourself constantly competing with is egging you on in unhealthy ways. Or perhaps these feelings are just a you thing, and you need to dig deeper inside yourself to solve the issue.

Remind yourself that another’s success does not determine your own.

Sometimes people find themselves hoping that others fail so that they can succeed. In some instances, like if two people were going for the same job position, they can’t both get the job. But it’s important to remember that the person who doesn’t get the job is simply experiencing one door closing before another door opens. In many cases, two successes are entirely unrelated. We are usually confused when we believe that if another person succeeds, that’s one more person we have to compete with. This is only the case if we are creating competition and experiencing feelings of envy or jealousy. In reality, what is stopping two people from both succeeding? 

Transform these negative feelings into motivation to change.

Suppose you’ve determined that your feelings of envy or jealousy come from a place of unhappiness and valid dissatisfaction with your current situation. In that case, you can acknowledge that making a change might be beneficial. Deal with envy and jealousy by letting the uncomfortable feelings fuel your motivation to improve your life.

Counteract negative thoughts that accompany jealousy and envy with positive thoughts.

A simple way to increase positivity in your life is to notice what types of thoughts pop up in your mind when you feel envious or jealous. When negative thoughts such as “I hope he fails” or “she’s untrustworthy” pop up, counteract them with a positive thought. “I hope he does well!” “She has good intentions!” Bonus points if you speak them out loud!

Shift your perspective into a compassionate one.

Here's my last tip on how to handle jealousy and envy in a healthy way. In many instances, when we feel jealous or envious of another, we are making a misguided judgment. Take a moment to step out of your shoes and into those of another. Imagine how others might be feeling or what others may be dealing with before you assume they have bad intentions or are undeserving of doing well or feeling good. It seems that in most people’s minds, they all have good intentions! In the end, we’re all searching for joy and happiness. 

Mental Health Blog Disclaimer

I am not a medical professional, therapist, or mental healthcare professional. The information provided on this website is for informational purposes only, comes from my own personal experiences, and may be read, interpreted, and practiced at your own risk. Do not rely on this information as a substitute to medical advice or treatment from a healthcare professional.