Grow by Practicing Radical Honesty

I’ve always been able to shamelessly state exactly what’s on my mind. People have referred to it as word vomit or having no filter. But I call it being radically honest.

Growing up, when I bluntly spoke my mind at school, I received mixed feedback. Some teachers thought I was a disrespectful smart aleck, while others couldn’t hold back an amused grin as I bluntly declared things. For example, if I needed to use the restroom and was denied a hall pass, I didn’t accept that. I stood up and announced that they might regret their decision when I started bleeding on the carpet because I had started my period. I often got my way when I demanded things in this way, so this was a common occurrence.

As I grew older and more mature, some of the words that left my mouth grew a filter. Maturity allowed me to blossom into someone who is self aware, polite, and compassionate, and yet able to stand up for herself, for others, and for important causes. I’m not so boisterous anymore, but I’m still unapologetically honest.

In the past, I was often told to think before I spoke. I understand this now that I’ve adopted awareness of how my strong, honest words affect others. I understand holding my tongue if the alternative would result in spitting out mean or hateful words. But what about the times I was silenced when I had purer intentions than hurting someone’s feelings? 

We’ve been conditioned to think that being honest is selfish, mean, or offensive. But let me make this clear. Honesty is not selfish, mean, or offensive when your intentions are gold and you deliver your message in a compassionate manner. 

What is radical honesty?

Radical honesty is a core value that represents always telling the truth. If you practice radical honesty, you are always faithfully honest and transparent and do not tell white lies. It can also mean that you state aloud what you notice with your senses in the present moment.

I never realized what I’ve done my whole life had a respectable name. I’ve been practicing radical honesty! You don’t have to wonder what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling. I strive to connect with others and to make sure that people understand my purest intentions because this is what I appreciate from others in return. I’m an open book, and I trust people enough to expel my deepest secrets. Well, I don’t actually have any secrets. That’s the weird thing about me.

What people choose to disclose to others is everyone’s personal choice. No one needs to take my advice. But consider one second if everyone could be honest with each other. More hurt feelings, perhaps? Only because we’ve been lying the whole time, right? With more honesty in the world, we’d see more relationships built on stable foundations, more compassion towards one another, less fakeness, and even fewer hurt feelings in the long run. If a dishonest person could have been honest with you from the beginning, you could have been saved from a lot of hardships, couldn’t you?

We live in a radically dishonest society.

Unfortunately, radical dishonesty is so prevalent in this society. We were raised to be dishonest about and unaccepting of normal human traits. When I announced that I was on my period in high school, I was told that was wrong. I was supposed to hold my tongue about a normal, healthy biological human phenomenon that 50% of people in the room experienced. In my hometown alone, we were taught to lie about our sexual orientation if we weren’t straight, to hide the fact that we took antidepressants for a mental illness, and to stifle our desire for administrative change. At work, I was taught to hide my political views to avoid conflict. Walking down the streets, I am taught to hide my breasts. We’re all very concerned about keeping others in the dark about harmless information, aren’t we?

We’re conditioned to lie by painting a fake image over our imperfect lives and project it on social media so that others can feel bad about themselves. We lie to each other all the time; we’re always trying to glamorize ourselves. We forget that an Instagram account isn’t an accurate representation of someone’s life because we don’t realize how prevalent lying and manipulation are in our society. 

Our relationships fail because we didn’t allow the other person to truly get to know us until after they’ve already fallen for the fake person we’ve created. We’ve been conditioned to expect pain when we are honest, so we fear it. We’re so scared to share the truth that we let our wounds fester and deepen. But the longer you push off your authenticity, the longer the pain is going to last.

Stop letting fear guide your decisions and let love lead you instead. People deserve to hear the truth because they deserve real love. Relationships will flourish when you are honest and communicative, but relationships will crumble when you bury the truth in the ground. 

We’re judgmental little liars at heart. We’re so often offended when we see others who believe in something different or act differently than us. We plaster a fake smile on our faces as we greet those people who are different from us, and then we go gossip and complain about them to someone else. I’m guilty of this. You’re guilty of this. This is human nature at its most harmful.

Instead of judging others, not accepting the possibility that we might be wrong, and lying to someone’s face, why can’t we be honest? Why can’t we tell someone we don’t see their point of view and then ask them to explain their perspective while we listen with radical open-mindedness? We always forget that the next person thinks they are just as right as we think we are. What if it’s not so black and white? 

Here are my thoughts on how to be radically honest.

How to be Radically Honest

We can stop hiding our flaws and faking a different image. Our flaws are only deemed “bad” by previous generations and social constructs. I encourage everyone to deconstruct those concepts that make us feel so terrible and unaccepted. You can make your flaws your superpowers if you really want to. You can accept yourself for who you are and love yourself in spite of those so-called imperfections. You can also sit there and pick apart everything you don’t like about yourself and start taking baby steps to change. For example, I don’t like that I can become so competitive that I sometimes wish badly on others. I don’t like that I make snap judgments about people who act differently than me. But because I’m honest about it, to myself and to others, I’m able to actively work on changing these personal characteristics that make me cringe.

When society tells you to act a certain way that feels toxic, you should question it. You should share your honesty, practice open-mindedness, and surround yourself with people who do the same. Always be kind to others and always be kind to yourself. Accept others for their differences when their differences do not harm others. Evoke change when you believe something is so wrong that it’s harmful to living things. 

You don’t need to hide any part of yourself because you are going to be loved just the same. When you hide yourself in fear of judgment, you don’t realize that you’re only hiding yourself from someone else who fears the same thing. And I’ve noticed in my lifelong practice of radical honesty that when I’m unapologetically honest and raw; others reciprocate, let down their guard, and share their truth right back. 

What I’m saying is your honesty will encourage others to be honest, too, and if we can all find the courage to be unfiltered versions of ourselves then that fire is going to catch, big time! 

Mental Health Blog Disclaimer

I am not a medical professional, therapist, or mental healthcare professional. The information provided on this website is for informational purposes only, comes from my own personal experiences, and may be read, interpreted, and practiced at your own risk. Do not rely on this information as a substitute to medical advice or treatment from a healthcare professional.