How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

We compare ourselves to others to better understand who we are. The comparison game is a simple way to determine our strengths and weaknesses. We place ourselves on a scale to see where we measure. How can we really know where we stand if there is nothing relative to weigh? That’s the thing, though. Everything is relative. We’ve defined “good” and “bad” as a society, and while there is a purpose to each definition, it’s up to us individually to determine what to believe and what to question. It’s complicated. The comparison game exists for many reasons, and I’ve decided to question those reasons. I understand why we compare ourselves to others, but I’ve found this game to be quite toxic.

Here’s why I think we should stop comparing ourselves to others or at least monitor the level at which we do. Based on my own and loved ones’ personal experiences, this game we play causes us to feel pretty bad about ourselves. When I measure my success against another’s, I tend to ruminate and overthink until anger and anxiety become present. Comparing myself to others leads to resentment, which is misplaced and harmful. I see friends fixate on the appearance of someone else’s life and decide that their own life isn’t of equal value. To fix this issue they decided they have, they put in extra effort or even extra money to keep up with a standard or another person. And if that other person is an apple, my friend is an orange, and you know the phrase. You can’t compare apples to oranges. On the other end of the spectrum, if I compare myself to others to feel better about myself, I am emitting hatred and condescension from my very pores. Ew!

So, how do you know if you’re comparing yourself to others? Do you ever feel irritated or jealous when something good happens to someone else? Do you sometimes feel like the world is out to get you or you’ve been dealt unfair cards? Have you ever made an impulse purchase or decision after scrolling through social media? Do you feel the fear of missing out? Do you find yourself checking how many people viewed your Instagram story or liked your post? Does a part of you desire to be better than others at certain things? If any of these hit home with you, perhaps you place a little too much value on how you compare to others. I’m totally victim to some of these practices, too.

I recognize that I have a problem with comparing myself to others because I reap many of the consequences. If you can relate, know that there is hope for us! By forming new habits and shifting our mindset, we can kick the habit of comparing ourselves to others and rid ourselves of the negative emotions that accompany this unhelpful game. We are in control.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Write down positive affirmations.

Perhaps the root cause of why seeing someone else succeed hurts your feelings is that you don’t feel good enough. But you are good enough, my friend. Remind yourself by creating a list of things you like about yourself and things you are good at. It could look something like this.

• I am brave. 

• I am capable. 

• I am creative. 

• I am loved by many people.

Practice gratitude.

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Make a list of reasons you are thankful to remind you of your fortunes. There are many blessings in your life, I promise. If you start every day with appreciation for the simple things, like your cup of coffee or your dog’s morning kisses, you’ll find that your attitude will turn skywards!

Celebrate others.

If we get into the habit of celebrating others, we will feel true happiness for other people over time, even if they have something that we don’t. The next time you feel negatively towards another person for their achievement or lifestyle, state something positive or congratulatory. 

Recognize you’re seeing others’ highlight reels.

Remember that no one is perfect, even if someone’s perfectly color-coordinated Instagram grid makes their life look like a Nat Geo film or an Ikea store. Every person has hardships, whether they showcase them or not. The image people portray does not often accurately represent how their life feels.

Set boundaries on social media.

Social media is a huge perpetrator of the comparison game. If you determine that your social media consumption is reaching a level that is toxic to you, consider experimenting. Avoid looking at accounts that give you negative feelings. Set limits on how long you’re allowed to mindlessly scroll each day or week. Take a full social media detox for a period of time. Let the experiments show you how your mental health differs after changing certain parameters.

Compete with yourself.

You are your best competition. Comparing yourself as you are today to how you were yesterday is a better representation of your worth and improvement than if you were to compare yourself to someone who is entirely different than you.

Realize that others’ successes and failures don’t define yours.

It’s silly, comparing yourself to others, when you consider that another’s success or failure usually has no effect on your own. Two people can achieve the same thing, and each person will have a different story to tell. Another way to say this is that you don’t have to be the only person who is good at what you want to be good at.

Appreciate the journey more than the destination.

We form a habit when we respond to our current situations (that we are unhappy with) by becoming laser-focused on what comes next. We become so familiar with wanting more that we forget how to appreciate what we have right now. With a habit like this ingrained into us, once we reach the destination, we will already be thinking about the next destination. If the destination is always in mind and the path to get there is unenjoyable, we should revisit our “why” and question the path we are on. I believe it’s important to find some contentment in the present.

Make decisions based on love instead of fear.

I make fear-based decisions when I feel insecure, confused, or anxious about the unknown. For example, let’s say I work at a job I do not enjoy (ha, ha), and I am only staying at this job because the money and benefits make me feel secure and there is the possibility that the next job could be even worse. This is an example of acting on fear. However, if I were to apply for a job that I think I would enjoy, I would be acting on love. When we react to the feelings that surface after comparing ourselves to others, we should question whether the decisions we make as a result are based on fear or love. 

View contrast as beneficial.

Being different is good! Our uniqueness makes the world go round and keeps life interesting. If we aspire to be more like someone else we could be stifling what makes us special. Viewing your individuality as a strength can help you stop comparing yourself to others. There won’t be a need if you’re proud of who you are!

Channel comparison into inspiration.

Instead of viewing others as competition, try viewing them as role models. If you are interested in someone else’s way of living, you probably admire them. Let them guide you in the direction you want to head without letting their achievements get you down. Surely they put in a lot of effort and hard work to get to where they are. They didn’t just magically become admirable with a snap of their fingers. Allow them to inspire you to work hard, too.

Apply some of these practices to your life and notice how your mental health benefits. In the end, being YOU is how you win the comparison game. No one is better at being you than you!

Mental Health Blog Disclaimer

I am not a medical professional, therapist, or mental healthcare professional. The information provided on this website is for informational purposes only, comes from my own personal experiences, and may be read, interpreted, and practiced at your own risk. Do not rely on this information as a substitute to medical advice or treatment from a healthcare professional.