8 Ways to Develop Self-Discipline

Have you ever been in a situation like the following? You’ve just started a new low-fat diet, but then your coworker brings donuts to work. You accidentally inhale three of them, and then your digestive system (which lacks a gallbladder and therefore the ability to properly digest fatty foods) screams at you for 24 hours straight.

Oh, you haven’t experienced that? Just me? Okay, maybe you’ll be able to relate to something less dramatic. I’ll try again.

Do you ever find yourself lying on your couch, scrolling mindlessly through social media, when suddenly the annoying little melody goes off down the hall, indicating that your clothes have been washed and it’s time to dry them? You’ll tend to them in a minute because, at the moment, your phone screen has superpowers and you simply cannot peel your eyes away. Your mind numbs, and before you know it, your family member is distracting you further from the task you were supposed to complete earlier. And by the time you remember, your clothes smell like mold and you have to wash them all over again.

I’m always digging in my pocket for this little helper called discipline and asking it to please lend me a hand. Discipline, please get my butt off the couch, help me clean the house, keep me accountable to search for new job opportunities, help me revise the fiction novel I’m creating, urge me to water the parched succulent on the windowsill, and please, please, please force me to actually get up early tomorrow. Without discipline, my life would be unfulfilling, chaotic, and I’d have a lot of dirty clothes.

Oxford Languages defines discipline as the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior. Self discipline is an important skill for all people to possess, but sometimes it’s just about the hardest thing in the world to summon. I’m here to share tips on how to develop self discipline and actually apply it to your life so you can get on with being the most productive version of yourself!

How to Develop Self Discipline

Find Your Motivation and Define Your “Why”

Having motivation is having a willingness to do something. Your motivation is your “why”; it’s the reason you act in a certain way. Motivation is not the same thing as discipline, and it is unreliable as a long-term solution. You don’t need to know how to find motivation to conquer your goals. Very disciplined people do not necessarily always feel motivated and inspired as they keep up with their responsibilities. Remember that the temporary motive isn’t there to give you willpower. It’s simply there to point you in the right direction.

Determine why you want to become disciplined at the activity you find challenging to complete. If you can define your “why,” you will always have something to remind you of the reason you’re doing the difficult task that requires special effort to continue practicing.

Are you trying to commit to volunteering weekly at a hospice facility because of a terminally ill family member? Do you need discipline to visit the gym throughout the week because you’re determined to find your abs again? Snap a picture of that family member or your tummy you want to tone and place it on your refrigerator or mirror as a reminder. Revisit your “why” anytime you have doubts or need to put those urges that tell you to quit to rest.

Rule Out What You Don’t Care About

Sometimes we just need to be brutally honest with ourselves. Do you truly care about the task you need discipline for, or do you just want to want it? Sometimes we find it challenging to find discipline for things because we are trying to do too much at once. So cut out the things that don’t really matter to you. Likewise, don’t force discipline on things that require a more creative solution.

I’ve applied these tips to getting to work on time. I care more about a good night’s sleep than starting work at precisely 7:00 am. Oof, I said it. During the first year of working full-time out of college, I religiously showed up to work five minutes late most days, and every single day I was exhausted until about 10:00 am. I’m not a morning person, and I require a stupid amount of sleep to function properly. No matter what I did during that first year, I could not stay disciplined to get to work five minutes earlier consistently, and not even the strongest coffee could keep me alert. I tried and failed and tried and failed until one day I accepted the truth: getting the proper amount of sleep for my body and mind was way more important than forcing myself to function at the most miserable time of the day.

Instead of continuing to fail, I took a different approach. I worked with my boss to find a new solution. I now start work at 8:00 am, and working from home allows me to replace the time spent driving with the sleep I desperately need. And guys, I maintain a healthy sleep schedule and no longer feel sleepy throughout the day. This is a first for me! Listen to your body and your heart. If something still isn’t working after a whole year of attempting to change it, you might need to get creative.

Recognize that Anticipation is Worse than the Actual Thing

Are you scared and overwhelmed when you think about starting this big new task? Do “what ifs” pop into your head and cloud your vision? Are you paralyzed from the fear of starting? Well, I have a secret for you. Anticipation is worse than the actual thing. Much easier said than done, I know, but if you can recognize this fact, all you have to do is push past that initial fear of starting. Just. Begin. And doing the thing is infinitely easier than worrying about it!

Psyching yourself up about the significance or painfulness of what you know you need to accomplish is making everything much more difficult. When you find yourself adding suspense to a particular task, remind yourself of the much more significant and painful things you’ve already accomplished.

Example for Jessi (me, talking to myself): “Oh, is committing to riding your bike for a few hours every week actually harder than the track workouts you completed every day in college? Not even close. Get on the damn bike; it’s effortless in comparison.”

Accept Feeling Uncomfortable

If you aren’t good at dealing with discomfort, read my post Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable. When discipline is required, it’s probably because those tasks are not particularly enjoyable or comfortable. It takes discipline to brush your teeth twice a day just like it takes discipline to train for an Ironman.

Do you know why you don’t notice the discipline it takes to brush your teeth even though you don’t particularly enjoy the activity? Because you’ve formed a habit. And habits make things easy. Do you know how people are able to train for an Ironman without quitting? Because they have formed a habit that tells their brain, “it’s time to run, bike, and swim, and there is no other option!” But before you can form a habit, you go through an uncomfortable process. Accept discomfort, and don’t run away from it.

Incorporate Structure and Routine 

Slow and steady wins the race, they say. Okay, not always, but typically a consistent effort over time will take most people further than unstable bursts of energy followed by stagnant periods of little to no effort.
I’m naturally a burst of energy kind of person. I work efficiently under pressure with a close deadline and with random acts of motivation. But after I’ve reached the deadline and completed the task from that spell of inspiration, I’m kind of depleted afterward. So, I’ve experimented with being a tortoise rather than a hare. Running a successful blog requires consistent effort every week and a schedule. If I only blogged when I felt extremely passionate and full of energy, you wouldn’t be able to rely on a weekly newsletter from me. Likewise, if I only went road biking or practiced yoga when I felt like it, I’d be stiff as a board and out of shape. So, I apply structure to my life. I follow a schedule.

Use Google Calendar, a physical calendar, sticky notes, or write with a Dry-Erase marker (not permanent, I’ve accidentally done this before) on your mirror to remind you of your schedule and keep you on track. Ask a buddy to keep you accountable or find a support group that can maintain the same schedule alongside you.

Create a Reward System

Don’t forget to acknowledge the positive feelings! Recognize the good feelings you will experience from sticking to your schedule or completing big, daunting tasks. If you’re only focused on the negative feelings that forming discipline might bring, your brain will latch on to the idea that self discipline is painful. But if you form the habit of basking in the glory and pride of your accomplishments, your brain will want to feel more of it.

So, reward yourself! Spoon-feed your brain some dopamine by engaging in pleasurable activities you’ve gifted yourself. For every month you stick to your strict low-fat diet, allow yourself one ice cream cone to celebrate. For finally completing that monstrous essay you’ve been procrastinating, allow yourself an entire night of self care. The race will be worth it if you have something to look forward to after you cross the finish line.

Simplify It

Self discipline doesn’t have to be complicated. It can actually be very simple. Create efficient use out of the activity you’re searching for discipline to complete. Simplify it. Break it up into smaller pieces.

About a year ago, I desperately needed to improve self discipline so I could begin the massive task of writing a novel. What a colossal piece of work! The anticipation for such a feat took my breath away, and I couldn’t start until I broke up the task into baby steps. It wasn’t necessarily a 100,000-word novel I was attempting to write, but simply twenty or so chapters. I didn’t have to start writing a novel. I just had to start writing one chapter.

Accept and Redefine Failure

The fear of failure is an incredibly common limiter. If part of what holds you back from staying disciplined is your fear of not sticking to the plan or not being successful, then welcome to the sweet life of being human. It’s not comfy or particularly gratifying to not meet our goals or another’s expectations. Take a second to think of three of your heroes. Who are three people you look up to more than anything? Picture them. And then picture this: they have failed in their lives! If your idol has failed, then if you fail, you’re just like the person you look up to the most! Humans are not perfect. Failure and success are two things all humans experience. Normalize failure and accept it.

Regardless of whether you fear failure or not, not succeeding can happen when trying to improve self discipline. As I stated earlier, I failed many, many times trying to get to work on time. I’ve failed at sticking to workout programs I made for myself. I’ve failed at diets and relationships, and I’ve failed at following my personal Google Calendar that tells me when to work on my creative work. But I’m okay with all of that! Failure is a part of life that helps us grow. It’s our best teacher, and it’s absolutely expected. If you fail, it means you might need to try again or tweak your approach. It doesn’t mean you suck, and it doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

Redefine failure and what it means to you. Ultimately, the concept of failure is a societal construct that humans made up. It means something different to everyone. One of my old track teammates thought that not coming in first place in a race was a failure, whereas I thought not crossing the finish line was a failure, whereas one girl from a different team thought there was no possible way to fail at a race, even if you didn’t finish. If you don’t win the race, get the job offer, or get accepted to college, you’re just witnessing one door close. Your life doesn’t end, and you will walk through another door.

Mental Health Blog Disclaimer

I am not a medical professional, therapist, or mental healthcare professional. The information provided on this website is for informational purposes only, comes from my own personal experiences, and may be read, interpreted, and practiced at your own risk. Do not rely on this information as a substitute to medical advice or treatment from a healthcare professional.