Chasing Dreams and Finding Happiness in the Present

I’m a dreamer. 

Every single day I dream. My aspirations crowd my head like a school of fish as I gaze out a window, fail to listen to others speak, and even subconsciously while I sleep. I dream verbally with my mouth, literally as I check goals off a list one by one, and metaphorically through my fingertips at the keyboard. What do I dream about?

I want to move to the western part of the United States. I speak of the western states that caress the Pacific coast, the states that sit adjacent to them, and the states that border those. My dream is to live west of the Great Plains, where I will be surrounded by deep green conifers and mounds of rocks so high that snow dusts the peaks and their tips kiss the clouds. I envision spending the winters skiing and the summers cycling. 

And man, when I close my eyes, I’m in the best cycling shape ever because I climb literal mountains. I imagine having ample opportunity to surf big waves and hike at high elevation. Taking trips to places with jaw-dropping natural beauty won’t require a plane ticket anymore. No, I’ll just hop in my car and drive a few hours. A grand, vibrant adventure is painted in my mind when I think about moving across the country. 

I might be fantasizing, but I’ll never know if I don’t go. I'll never know if dreams are possible if I don't take my own advice, "follow your dreams," seriously. I’ve never moved away from the Illinois side of the Greater St. Louis area. I have been dying to do so for over a year now. I have no doubts that this desire of mine means the world to me because there is never a day that goes by where I don’t think about the mountains or express my feelings to my boyfriend. Seriously, you can ask him. There is not one single day I don’t say something. I am incredibly annoying and persistent in the way I keep my dreams alive.

There is another part to my ideal lifestyle. My career looks much different in my dreams than it does in real life. The cubicle, strict work hours, management by a superior, and lack of enjoyment of my work all disappear when I dream. What I imagine for my future self has greater benefits than being an engineer. I want to make a living working for myself. Among other business ideas, more important than the other business ideas, I want to turn writing into a career so I can wake up at 9 or 10 o’clock every day and do what brings me excitement, fulfillment, and happiness. 

When I dream, I believe in myself so much that tears pool into my eyes. Doubt and hesitancy seep away, and the central focus is so easily placed on my own heart. The West is calling my name every day, and I’m listening. And I know that through writing, my words will deeply reach at least one person, and I am sure that if I don’t share them, my whole purpose will be misplaced. 

I’m a realist.

When I’m not lost in a dream, I plan realistic goals and try to be present. To actually achieve my wishes, I must take pragmatic actions. Planning is the easy part. Actually taking a step forward is how one reaches another checkpoint. What can I do right now that will take me closer to my goals?

I take baby steps to happiness. Let me be clear. Every morning I wake up, and I still haven’t moved to the mountains. Every night I go to sleep after a day’s work in a career that is not writing. But smaller movements have occurred. I’ve researched cities that check the boxes for my boyfriend and me and narrowed them down to four. I’ve made plans to travel to them so we can choose one. I’ve also written an entire first draft of a novel. I’ve written eighteen blog posts eighteen weeks in a row. I’ve learned so much and have a long list of next steps. And I honestly, truly, simply just keep placing one foot in front o

I’m on the journey of chasing dreams, but I’ve learned that the journey itself matters even more than the destination. There is a scale in my life that balances finding happiness in the present and still wanting more for myself. I’ve accepted that there will never be a final destination as long as I have the pinhole mindset that right now is not good enough. If I allow myself to get sucked into that narrow focus too deeply, I’ll never be satisfied.

You bet I view the grass out west as the greenest, most lush and glorious grass there is, especially compared to the cow pastures and corn husks in Illinois. Part of me knows this is misguided and that no matter where I am physically, it won’t prevent hardships. No matter where I live, I will find happiness, fulfillment, excitement, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and grief. 

Everything is temporary; there will be a change in the wind wherever I go and regardless of what I do for a living. And because I am aware of this, I am determined to create happiness along the entire journey. I must strive to be present in each moment and practice finding happiness in everyday life.

Every chapter of life is precious. We are blessed and cursed with not knowing how long we have on this planet. In one sense, I must make sure I work hard to do and see everything I desire because my breath could be swiped from me as early as today. In another, it’s important to plan smartly for the future I likely have. To find the balance between the two ends of the spectrum, I try to accept every situation and find the light within each moment.

I’m a settler. 

The most practical and sobering part of the choices I make that lead me further or closer to my dreams is the part where I make sacrifices. No matter what I do, I will have to give up one thing for another. I notice how simple my life is, how fortunate I am, and yet how I still am not able to take the easy route to get what I want. I am very free and independent with no kids, no pets, no family members to take care of, but of course, I still have my own setbacks.

I fear change just as much as I crave it. I am living in a pandemic that has promised lost jobs and homes for many. I am in love with someone who wants something a bit different. Here is the truth: there is no relationship that exists where everyone agrees on everything. Sooner or later, you find something that causes a divergence in paths. If the path diverges too far, you split. But if it’s close enough, you compromise. That’s what my boyfriend, Nino, and I have done. We have similar career goals in that we want to create our own business, and we luckily both desire moving out west. But we do not agree on the timing. He would choose later, and I would choose right now or maybe right when the damn COVID-19 vaccines get distributed.

Meeting in the middle is our decision because we don’t want to live apart from one another for very long. The result evens out between the two of us because we are both settling, rather than one of us getting exactly what we want while the other must give their idea up completely

But even then… let’s say Nino came up to me and said, “Jessi, let’s do it. I’m not ready nor do I want to move away yet, but I’m doing it for you.” I wouldn’t accept this because I’d know he wouldn’t be happy.

There is a saying that some parents tell their kids that goes, “You can be anything you want to be!” I was never taught that, and I still do not fully believe it. I tried to depict why in the example I just gave about Nino and me. As long as I have empathy for others and value others’ opinions, and as long as I cannot change other people, I will not get everything I want for myself. Life is so much more complex than that.

Further down this path of disbelief, I grew up thinking that the two dreams I now have were frivolous. For a long time, it was ingrained in me to feel that moving far away and not working in the corporate world were too unrealistic to happen. What is comfortable, familiar, easy, and stable is the right path, I used to think. Additionally, a change could induce a much worse situation. I don’t like my life right now? Well, if I quit my job or move to a new state, it could be living hell! Or, once the newness of the next big thing wears off, my state of mind will return to normal, and I’ll be unsatisfied once again.

I’m a dreamer. Follow your dreams.

Thankfully, I know people who have proven by example that the idea of these wishes being unreachable is so far from true. I know people who make a living writing. I know people who make a living while traveling or living in their dream destination. I know it’s real. Dreams are not always a perfectly designed oil pastel piece of art. They are more like pencil sketches full of erase marks and a few graphite smudges. But they are nonetheless beautiful.

I counteract the negativity with positive reminders. I keep with me a list of reasons why I am driving along this path I’ve chosen for myself. I see my plans and their purpose in writing, and I am again reminded that my dreams are lit as bright and hot as the sun.

Reminders for Dreamers Who are also Realists and Settlers

• You have a plan. If this moved any faster, you would be skipping important steps and inconveniencing people you love.

• You aren’t the only one making sacrifices.

• The plan you have allows you to enter this next chapter fully prepared, which comforts you.

• Change allows for growth.

• What if it’s worse, you ask? What if it’s better?

• Changing a situation where you are not fulfilled is a step in the right direction.

• List five things you are grateful for right now in this current life chapter.

• Think of the people you know who made it work, and let them guide you. 

Mental Health Blog Disclaimer

I am not a medical professional, therapist, or mental healthcare professional. The information provided on this website is for informational purposes only, comes from my own personal experiences, and may be read, interpreted, and practiced at your own risk. Do not rely on this information as a substitute to medical advice or treatment from a healthcare professional.